i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
