I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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