Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
