I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
