Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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