I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
