If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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