Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
