the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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