Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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