I can text with my tongue
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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