It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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