If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
