If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
