I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
