How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
