i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
