I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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