some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
