I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
