Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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