I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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