Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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