i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
