My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
