In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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