there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
