His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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