You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
