i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
