I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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