she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
