dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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