Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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