just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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