I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
