My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
