You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
