he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
