It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
