your room smells of hookers.
And success
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
