Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
