I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't notice because vodka
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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