I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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