I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
