First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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