dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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