What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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