hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
id be glad to
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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