I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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